‘I’m going home, home.’
This is a line in ‘La La Land’ when Emma Stone felt humiliated after a poor received play and decided to retreat back to her parents’ home. I felt it. That was my life too.
Back home, I told family and friends that I sold off my business and decided to take a break before embarking on new journey. Good for you, they said. They never know what kind of war I went through or how horrible it felt to wake up with sense of hopelessness.
There is a tremendous weight of brokenness behind ‘taking a break’. When I told people that I started a company at 25, I always added that it was because of a bit of naivety and a lot of courage. My partners and I were two young girls in twenties who dived into the ocean with big sharks.
Looking back, ‘not knowing’ is our biggest advantage because we didn’t know what not do. We just keep solving problems until one day, my heart told me to re-evaluate life.
When I was home, I spent time reading and learning anything that I was curious about. Five days a week, I would run along the river track, appreciating boundless blue sky with warm sun shine.
Even without goals, life is as beautiful when we appreciate every moment we live in. Then came the time I left home for big bustling city without knowing what to expect.
I was lucky that opportunities came in abundance; somehow I lost myself in dilemma. I took a job that pays well but does not reflect who I am. I had an opportunity to join an international project that I’ve been longing for but I blew it.
It was the first time in life I realise the importance of principle, commitment and integrity. When what we want is not consistent with what we do, we couldn’t make the best decision for ourselves.
What matters in life? It is us, our head and heart. We could zig and zag through life and go back to square one, but the value of life lies in the journey and not destination.
Back in square one, we develop new sets of value and perspective, we learn how to treat people the way we want people to treat us. Even though these lessons sound simple, I got my values mixed up and savour the consequences of disappointment and feeling stuck once again.
The beauty of life is that all these bumps and set backs are meant to make us reflect and re-evaluate our actions.
It is important to know that you can live with a bad decision and learn from it, because tomorrow is always a new day.
I might have messed up certain things, but I also discovered that I could create values through my writing.
I knew the stars align when I was remunerated to do things that I wouldn’t mind doing for free.
Once again, I set up a company. This time, I have a full time job, there is no business plan, and I have a big project in front of me.
My strategy is to focus in now because we will know how far we can go after testing our extreme.
There are many ways of living and succeeding, and I learn that the most important thing is to stay true to ourselves, never forget our core values when it comes to decision making.
With a bit of naivety and a lot of courage, I shall keep exploring and let life surprise me with new adventures.